For lack of a better word I’ve been feeling this roadblock in fearlessly embracing this new year. A hesitancy. I lost things that were so important to me this past year. Things I never intended to begin a new year without. Things I haven’t started a new year without since they first came into my life. Things that I know are now dead in their original form, but that doesn’t make the mourning any easier. To know something is gone is not the same as deeply accepting and making peace with that concept. At least, not yet.

So as people make these huge proclamations about how incredible this next year will be; how hard they will love; how many people they will celebrate with; the places they’ll travel; the growth they’ll explore; the freeness they’ll feel; and the goals they’ll accomplish – I can’t help but feel…a little sad and hesitant. As if I can’t possibly make those promises yet. I can’t possibly celebrate this new year. Because things still hurt. They are fresh. And things are gone.

Does anyone else feel this way?

I guess instead of seeing this moment in time as a roadblock to living life to the fullest, I will slowly and steadily push step by step. Because it’s not that I don’t think good things are coming for me, or that I don’t trust in the process of letting go and growing.

Its just…

”No one warns you about the amount of mourning in growth.” – Té V. Smith, Shut Up In My Bones