gratitude – black girl magic & meditation

If I could encapsulate all the things I am forever grateful for, it would breathe life into the dead trees that lost their way in the storm. It would calm the ocean and quiet the winds.

I am grateful for second chances. For recovery and restoration. For Cleveland lights, cold air ambulances, and for doctors who constantly reminded her where she was and that she was going to be okay.

For late nights and early mornings.

For quiet but confident doctors and nurses who saved her life.

For my Wesleyan Sweatshirt, which became an opener for so many soulful conversations with hospital strangers in cold waiting rooms.

For being exhausted beyond belief, but not giving a shit about how I looked. For being so afraid, the exhaustion became an afterthought. For clarity in times of despair and shock.

For distractions. And precise surgical hands. And beeping monitors.

For giving up, giving in, and surrendering. For prayer. And God. And love.

For the Au Bon Pain in the hospital.

For less tubes, more movements, more laughter, more independence. For Judge Judy and tear-filled laughter. For new hearts, new arteries, a new medical dictionary on my tongue, and caring night nurses.

For calm words, and kind deeds, and talking to her like she was a person. A truly embodied person. Not just a sick, sleeping person with no connections to this world.

For health…

It is most precious of things. The most priceless. The most needed.

For second chances. Always, always, always. For second chances.

For the past week or so, I’ve been feeling not so great. It’s been a roller coaster of emotions trying to come to terms with the end of a relationship. Although I was the one to ultimately end things, finding out that my ex is definitely in a relationship with someone else made me feel both hollowed out and brimming with pain. But most insidious of all, I felt wholly insufficient. Deep seas of tears were made. Adele was sung.

In sum: things felt painfully unforgiving.

It was in this context that I went on a quick work trip to DC, my old stomping grounds. To say my heart immediately felt lighter would be an understatement. It surprised even me. To return to a place that was familiar and full of memories was exactly what I needed. Even better, I used as much of my limited free time to reconnect with friends that have come to feel like a second home. Friends that continuously inspire me with their intellect, compassion & general bad ass-ness.

I was instantly grateful that this trip landed in my lap when it did. I left home feeling truly beat down and emotionally hollow; I returned feeling like I’d caught gratitude in a bottle for the first time. I was present and appreciative. I was open and engaged. And it felt authentic.

As I walked back to my hotel on my last night there, it was chilly and the city was relatively quiet. With a moment to reflect, I realized how deeply full I felt, for the first time in a long time.

I would like to continue that walk, metaphorically and otherwise.

“I give myself a good cry if I need it, but then I concentrate on all good things still in my life.” ― Morrie Schwartz, Tuesdays with Morrie

Tag: gratitude

For Second Chances

Gratitude in a Bottle